You know that feeling you get when you scroll through an old high school friend’s Instagram?
Maybe you had randomly found them, or maybe you still follow them. You click on their name, curious at how their life looks since the time when you knew each other. You see their friends, their relationship, their life, all the while thinking, “Where did the time go?”
It feels like yesterday I waved at you in the halls. Not so long ago, I would peek at you over the seat on the bus, and ask you about your day.
It feels like yesterday.
Then, after looking at what you’ve been up to, I start to flip through my own photos, my own memories… and realize I’m no longer the same either. My face looks different, older, wiser. There’s a sureness in my stance that wasn’t there when I was fourteen. I know myself better now, and I’m discovering who I am and where I’m going.
Remember when high school felt like it was never going to end? Now you’re five, ten, fifteen years out and can vaguely recall certain memories. The entirety of your years in school is a blur, with some moments highlighted as ones you won’t forget. Like the time your team won the championship, or your part in the high school musical production. Oh, then there was that time you slipped down the stairs in front of everyone (never forget).
I have so many memories of life and friends in high school. I have memories of extreme happiness, memories of pain, and memories of pivotal moments in creating who I am today. Each one I can bring to remembrance, pull it out and look at like an old photo album. “This is what I looked like in tenth grade”, “I always wore that”, and “I used to do this all the time”…
Some people you run into may bring up this nostalgia. Sometimes it’s a song, or an episode, maybe a smell. Just the other day I reminisced over Aly and AJ songs (quite loudly) in my apartment, a state away from the bedroom I used to jam to them in. Life brings you to interesting places, places you never thought you’d be in. When I was eight, I thought I’d be married by twenty. Fast-forward, I’m twenty one in July and I don’t even have a boyfriend.
There are some things I’d thought I’d be doing by now. Things I’d have experienced, I’d have, or I’d be like. Looking back over my life and how it’s happening, it’s a lot different than anything I ever dreamed up.
But I think I like it better this way.
So I don’t hide when I see someone I used to know. I’m not ashamed of how I’ve turned out so far. I smile, and remember the time in my life where they were in it, no matter how big or small their role was. Maybe it was during a harder time; God has used those times for my good, though the enemy intended them for evil. I’m not scared of remembering my life, even if some parts were difficult. I praise God for how He’s brought me, and where He’s taking me.
It feels like yesterday I was saying I’d be a missionary. It feels like yesterday I was saying I wanted to write songs. It feels like yesterday that I was dreaming those things. It’s today that I’m living those dreams out.