2015 was one of the worst and one of the best years of my life so far.
It was the year I moved out for the first time, moved back in, and then packed up and moved to Nashville. It was the year I completely lost myself in the view of the world, and then found myself again through a fresh start in my relationship with the Lord. It was the year I thought there was no way I could dream dreams, and the year where I felt God breathe new life into them.
It definitely was one of the key years in shaping my testimony, and looking back on it, I’m so grateful to see the Lord’s fingerprints all over my life. There were so many things about 2015 I wish I could’ve avoided, would’ve been smart enough to have avoided. But more than that, I’m happy that I’m through it, and my faith in the God who never gives up, never fails, and always loves no matter what, is stronger than it ever has been.
I could tell you all the things that I had to go through to really get to the place I am now. It’s the same plot line the enemy uses with so many, just different places and different faces. A tale of insecurity, lost identity, and the empty numbness where the love of God is so desperately needed. My testimony is my story, and it’s still being written.
One of the biggest lessons I learned in 2015 is that not everyone will be so kind as to think of your best interest when you don’t care enough to. I definitely believe in God’s grace and protection, and looking back it was so obvious in my life. I put myself in situations that were so sketch and it is only by God’s protection on my life and my praying momma that nothing horrible happened to me. The revelation that we all have free will fully dawned on me; bad things can happen to good people, and there is a real need for wisdom.
The lesson that was probably the hardest to learn was that it’s necessary to be vulnerable in order to have connection. Closing yourself off and hiding won’t get you the results you want in relationship with another person. To have connection with someone, you need communication, and being transparent in how you feel and where you stand is key. One of my most important relationships, with my father, came to full restoration by just baring my heart on my sleeve. It was common to blame someone for not having any connection, but then hiding from them when it’s time to talk. Now I have relationship where I communicate, and it just keeps getting better.
2015 also taught me that it’s okay to value myself. It’s okay to spend money on myself and take pride in who I am and how I look. See a cute sweater for twenty dollars? Before I wouldn’t even consider it. Twenty dollars? Who am I? Oprah? No, I’m not worth that kind of money. Twenty. Dollars. Now, I realize that it’s important to invest in things and people who make you feel like you’re living. Because I’m worth it. Because He died to give me life, I should live it for Him, and live it to the best. Now, I’ll buy that sweater and I’ll look real cute next Sunday morning.
The sweetest revelation was that my identity is solely in the one who gave life, the one who sent His only Son to die for me. I am first and foremost a daughter of the One True King. The fact that I have been adopted into His family, because it pleases Him, is something I hold onto on my cloudiest of days, in my bluest of moods. If any lesson was learned and cherished during 2015, it’s that He is my Father, and He has good, good things for me.